Let Your Guard Down: Don’t Be Afraid Of Imperfection

Being successful in any aspect of life does not mean always being right, always winning, and always doing things by yourself.

It is okay to not know an answer. It is okay to lose. It is okay to ask for help. It is even okay for these things to happen when others expect them not to.

This barrier that people put up and think is making them appear to be all-knowing and perfect, is actually the thing that not only adds unnecessary stress and anxiety to their life, but keeps them from reaching their goals.

The mindset we should strive to develop is giving a perfect effort, but being okay with a less than perfect result. Trying is good enough, and then we can learn from and build from our experience. You don’t have to pretend you know something that you don’t. You don’t have to be afraid of losing or making a mistake.

On the mats, this mentality pops up and every student would get so much more out of their training if they could eliminate it. Every time I see a higher rank begin “coaching” their training partner at the slightest sign that the lower rank student might be doing something well, inside I am cringing and shaking my head in disappointment. Don’t do this. It’s okay to lose to or get help from a student that is a lower rank than you. It only means that this student is also receiving good training - it does not mean that anything is wrong with you.

In fact, you will get better by allowing these circumstances to happen and getting the most out of them.

Your fear of losing is putting you in a position to lose more.

More growth comes from situations that we don’t know what to do, accept that, and then learn from it, than when we put on an act as if we know what to do.

You are not perfect, and you never will be. Neither am I, or anyone that I have ever met. Except my wife, of course. (Hey b!)

You will not get things right on the first try, but try anyway.

You will not know every answer, don’t pretend like you do.

You will need help from other people who have experienced what you are experiencing, don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Listen

Hearing is, of course, one of our primary senses, but I recently watched (and listened to!) a TED talk that got me thinking about the importance of how we listen. Take a look if you’d like:

It seems as though we are losing our ability to listen, and it is hurting our ability to fully comprehend and understand other people, other concepts, and other ideas.

For the past week, I’ve been observing people in conversation as much as I can and watching how many of them genuinely listen. Sadly, it is usually evident that while one person is talking, the other is more concerned with what they are going to say, or what is going on in their world, than what the person speaking is saying.

Try it out with yourself first, and you will see yourself planning what you are going to say before the person you are speaking to is done. Before you know it, you will be impatiently waiting for them to hurry up and stop talking so that you can start talking.

That, of course, is normal.

What is happening in our world and our mind is what is most important to us, but we are missing out on opportunities to connect with those around us more fully, build more meaningful relationships, and accomplish more amazing things. We can’t do any of these things if we don’t understand each other.

This past weekend, thousands of young people marched all over our country, and lots of discussions are going on around the topic of gun reform. It seems as though the most crucial component we are missing though is listening. If I take a minute to look around on my social media networks at what people think of these issues, it is crystal clear that no one is listening to anyone with a different opinion than their own. We all feel as though the only way to win is to yell our personal opinion as loudly as we possibly can.

What happens?

All of the people that feel the same way as we do “like” it and “share” it. And all of the people that don’t feel the same way comment back, yelling as loudly as possible how they feel about it.

Arguing is not the problem.

Arguing can be so beneficial to solving problems and coming up with fantastic solutions. But arguing is worthless and futile when no one listens. When we listen, arguing can lead to resolutions.

Of course, it is entirely natural to believe what you think is right, but typically the answer to a lot of our problems is found somewhere in the middle and less on one side or the other. 

We have to recognize that so much of what we think  (and as pointed out in the video, so much of how we listen) is influenced by filters such as culture, values, beliefs, attitudes, expectations, and intentions. Pay attention to how you may listen to what someone says and instinctively have reactions against what they are saying sometimes before even thinking it through.

These are serious discussions that we need to be having. Which means now more than ever, if you want to accomplish things, resolve conflicts, have better relationships with everyone you encounter in life (hey, and even master your martial arts!), I encourage you to "empty your cup" and listen.